Day 1 · 7 Sept 2012Cleansing
The time has come to carry out the plan. I had already spent time in the silence of my heart without water, food or light for two days and two nights (I planned three, but felt that was enough). I didn't know how I would go through the 21-day initiation into living on light as Jasmuheen describes it. I have work assignments in the UK and thought of doing it between them, around late October and early November. But I was given an assignment in a place that is ideal: in nature, with a client who doesn't need much work.
I know one thing: my heart sings at the thought that I could live on a pranic diet. Whether it will happen, I don't know. I'm in a job that requires a certain readiness from me. If that is disturbed, I will step away from the process. I also know that this special September cleansing, however long it lasts, will be a great blessing for me and for the people around me.
I prepared for this moment for a long time, reading and watching many testimonies of this way of life. Two things matter to me here:
- A suitable diet for many years, and today was preceded by four days of eating only fruit. Yesterday I felt something being thoroughly cleansed in me, so much that my head ached.
- Breathing anchored very deeply in awareness. In meditation I go down to one full breath per minute or longer. I received an inner insight that this is my connection to energy, my cable, and that I should use it in weaker moments during these 21 days. Ideally I would breathe like this all the time, but that takes many years of practice. Or maybe less?
Today I began the first, seven-day part of the process: no drinking and no eating. In the next two parts you drink only water and diluted juices. My body will tell me whether it should be the full seven days. I feel very good. I'm starting at 60 kg and have set 55 kg as my critical point. 60 kg has been my normal weight for over 20 years.
This morning someone wonderful, angelic, sat down next to me on the bed, like a being of great light. I didn't see him, but I felt him very clearly. I took it as a sign of blessing for the road.
This direction doesn't mean at all that I don't want to eat in the future. I want to clearly establish my independence in this area. To be truly free, so I can use my body as well as possible for being among people.
Day 2 · 8 Sept 2012
Only the second day. I'm surprised that I feel very good. In the morning I had an unpleasant taste in my mouth and rinsed it with lemon water during the day. In the morning I felt as if my body were behind a mist, and I was very aware of what was happening inside me. This isn't my first fast, but I feel I've spread my ego's clinginess across 21 days, the way I paced myself over 42 kilometres in marathons. In the morning I weighed 59.5 kg, and by the afternoon I was back at my unchanging sixty. No headache or anything else, no thirst and no hunger. I passed urine only once, in the afternoon. I could have before noon, but felt it wasn't necessary. In the afternoon my feet needed warmer covering. I spent three hours in nature, breathing. It is an amazing experience of myself in the breath. I see the breath as the guiding thread of my work with people. I learned and am still learning the art of breathing, inspired by intuitively discovering myself in the breath, by the teaching of Kriya Yoga and by the teaching of Ramtha.
Walking around town, I wanted to lie down on the grass in a park for 15 minutes and breathe in peace. Interesting, all of it.
I feel that experiencing the deep joy of life has burned so much away in me that with every moment I simply smile more, and I'm going through the cleansing very calmly.
In general I'm very sensitive to signals from the body. I'm very much here and now, in the body. In practice I'm at work, and a longer moment of weakness is out of the question. It's risky, but I also know that the breath and intuitive insight will give me the information I need about the next steps. This may be just a cleansing fast, or it may be the experience of the great gift of living on light. Yes, a gift of grace and blessing, which I ask of the higher beings of light who guide me.
Let me repeat: this is not about not eating, but about experiencing freedom from eating programmes. Perhaps I'll like it so much that I'll stay with it, or perhaps it will be another marathon-like experience of discovering myself.
Day 3 · 9 Sept 2012
The day began exceptionally for me. As usual my mouth needed rinsing. I feel an increase in energy, I have more of it. It's not yet my normal form, but I feel exceptionally good without water and food, though without overexerting myself. There's no headache, which I used to get during other fasts. I'm very much in my body, picking up various signals. My weight has dropped and today is around 58.5 kg. A strange feeling, wanting to burp when you're neither eating nor drinking. Burping day. My feet are cold, so I wear two pairs of socks. I passed urine twice and probably had my last bowel movement (they say that after cleansing, a person passes small “pellets” now and then because of environmental pollution).
Wow, I feel very good. I spent my morning “breakfast” in a meadow because I needed some exercise. I stretched and bent my body and it feels very good. In the morning I took a bath instead of a shower. A wonderful feeling of regeneration. In the afternoon, a walk with deep breathing and hugging trees. Of course there was time for meditation and relaxation too. Every few hours I rinse my mouth with water and lemon juice, which is very refreshing.
I have a feeling that I might even be able to live without drinking. I feel really good, just without any wild movement or sudden effort that would need more energy.
The mind is calm, the ego watches and doesn't protest, because many months, even years, of feeding on testimonies that living on light is possible have changed the way I think about everything. Time can convince the ego, but this is only day three, so steady.
Yes, it's only the third day, now coming to an end. I want to spend every free moment in nature, resting and breathing, if the weather allows, because rain is forecast.
What also matters to me in all this is that I thank God and the beings of light and ask them to support me in this process, so that I may experience living on light, living in my essence, towards which we are all heading.
Day 4 · 10 Sept 2012
I wake up needing to lie in bed, but anticipating it, I do so half an hour before the proper time. I feel generally fine, only my energy is around 40–50% and I'm not used to that. To my surprise I passed urine in the morning, lighter than the day before. The obligatory morning breakfast on the grass, with light stretches and deep breaths. Wonderful. I just don't know what to rinse my mouth with, because I have a sticky, unpleasant taste and my tongue is slightly white. No headache.
Since yesterday everything has slowed down, everything flows more slowly. I'm not fit for quick action. I need silence, calm, deep presence in my body without hurry and without many threads at once. The world has slowed down and I don't want to do several things at the same time. In every activity I need to be fully here and now, in what I'm doing and in my body. Yesterday evening, when I picked up a few threads from the outside world, I felt tiredness in my subtle (emotional) body. It was a sense of disharmony that naturally asked to be calmed, and it showed as a drop of energy in the physical body. I can't listen to music with words, only complete openness to the Universe in silence, without words. Only the mind still chatters sometimes, but only sometimes. I even feel the need to avoid people so as not to mix energies.
Today, on the fourth day, I had a wonderful regeneration in a hot bath. Something beautiful. In general I have no need to eat or drink, which surprises me a lot. Sometimes tastes come back to me. Looking at food, I can taste it, and I smile at Mother Earth for her wonderful gifts, but the need to stay in the process is stronger than food itself.
The ego could already be proud, but it knows well there is no reason for self-satisfaction here. We are heading towards light, the natural environment of a human being, their Divinity revealed in the body. There the ego gives way and melts in love.
Today the ego teased me with questions: do you really not want to eat? What about the things you love so much: hot chocolate, pistachio ice cream, raspberries, nuts, mocha coffee and many other treats? What about pizza and Pepsi? Then an answer arose in me: I'm not doing this in order not to eat. I'm going through this process to truly live in the essence of who I am. Prana is to be my basic source of energy. It is the core nature of my deepest identity. I come from light, and I am to be nourished by it, not by the learned programmes of the physical world that I follow automatically. When I know who I am, and know that I belong to light, reaching for physical food becomes pure pleasure of taste, not powering the body. That is what my heart longs for. A freedom defined by a free heart.
Today I went for a walk of almost ten kilometres. I admit it was risky. It looked like a walk in the mountains by people in poor shape.
It's interesting to perceive everything at this slower pace. I perceive through my body, not with my eyes or ears (those too, but secondarily). For example, I walk along a path and feel the energy is stronger in this spot, I feel it rising in me. I stop and charge myself with a deep breath. I treat things outside as something inside that either supports me or pulls me away from the path of my heart. Nothing new, perhaps, but the vividness of this experience is extraordinary.
Yes, this is only the fourth day, and three more until water. Seventeen days ahead of me, or perhaps fewer. What I want most is for my energy to return to normal, so I can run and dance.
Day 5 · 11 Sept 2012
Wow, day five already. Only a quarter of the process, and two days until the first sip of water. I got up very well and I feel good. I'm surprised by the clear morning urine and by my weight of 55 kg. Five days and five kilos. Well, I don't have much to lose, so I need a bit more – my 60 kg, which I had for 20 years. For two nights it's been hard to fall asleep. I woke up, started reading a book, and I sleep in a kind of half-sleep. Day blurs into night. In the night I felt something happening in my bowels. I sense one more special, royal session on the throne is coming. I'm constantly accompanied by the intention to truly live on light, not on some incomplete ego-civilisational mixture. I see that I can live on light and still share the joy of taste with others. Though my body will verify everything anyway. I've become very sensitive to its signals, it's amazing, I feel them so deeply. The day passed very calmly. The only unpleasant part is rinsing my mouth many times a day. I'm very grateful to have such a wonderful assignment in such a wonderful place, where I can do all this without unnecessary explaining, keeping up minimal appearances. I feel better than yesterday, but of course I'm waiting for a flash of energy to get back into form. We'll see how far I get. I'm starting to get quite excited about it myself, instead of sitting quietly in silence.
Day 6 · 12 Sept 2012
I couldn't sleep at night. In half-sleep I had visions, among them of water. My lovely lucid dream. Jasmuheen wrote that on the seventh day you should first ask your guides whether this stage is complete and whether you may drink water. Last night, at the end of day five, I asked my Inner Being whether my stage without water was over, and I received the answer: YES. I got the same answer on the fourth day. I decided to stay without water a little longer, to ripen on my own towards that special swallow of drops of delight.
I feel great. I can't yet run, dance or make a big effort, but it's good. Only my mouth dries quickly, and even ice cubes with lemon don't help. I take water into my mouth and hold it without swallowing a drop (sparkling water works well). I have to rinse often. It's interesting what thoughts arise with water in your mouth. It is as if a wonderful woman stood before me, longing to be close to me, and I embrace her and let her go. My strong conviction about the process doesn't leave me. This morning I successfully visited the royal throne and I'm very happy, because I felt something was still lingering in my bowels and now it has settled.
Today: a wonderful bath, a walk, relaxation, rest, and a really good feeling, with a dry mouth and a slim 55 kg, without excessive effort. And I can drink water whenever I want!
My morning prayer:
God, who planted a part of Yourself in my heart, giving me life,
forgive me my unbelief in You, in Your presence within me.
Thank You for Being, and for guiding me so wonderfully towards Oneness.
I love You above the body and above everything that would bind me with illusions of happiness.
I long for light to fill me in all things,
as I discover Who I truly AM.
I ask for support in this process, for wisdom, for awareness of the Power I have received,
for Oneness in love, with a life full of experience rather than empty words.
So be it.
One important reflection comes to me. This whole process is a lesson in surrender in inner work. I would call it surrender of the inner self. Outwardly we surrender in various actions and goals, we quieten down in our activity. Here there is only inner work, without exercises, methods or tricks of the mind, without so-called ways to inner silence created outside the body. Only feeling yourself from within. Looking for wisdom inside, not outside. A real adventure of discovering your Being.
I found out that next week I'm going to hospital with my client for two days of tests, and at the end of the week we start moving to a new house. It worried me, but I trustingly give it to God, so that I can function normally during that time without interrupting the process. All that remains is to trust.
After the inner answer, at the end of the whole sixth day, I decided to take a sip of water. I trust inner guidance in this process, as in many things throughout my life. That is fundamental for me. Rules and book guidance are only advice, and they cannot stop my inner guide from being loved and respected.
I decided that my first sip would be rainwater, a gift from heaven for me, a special toast to life. And so it was, on the evening of the sixth day. Ahead of me, according to the book, are 15 days on water with diluted juices, and according to my heart – we'll see.
Day 7 · 13 Sept 2012Regeneration
The first stage is behind me. WOW! I can't believe it was possible. The time of CLEANSING is behind me, now comes the time of REGENERATION. Will it be downhill from here, with water and diluted juices (one part juice to four)? I don't know, but in my view this was the hardest time, because it was completely new: six days without water and food.
How do I feel? Excellent. Drinking water with diluted orange juice after the “desert” time without water is an incredible experience for the body. I felt the water filling my whole body and reaching every cell. Before, everything in me was shrinking, and now I'm like dry earth filled with freshness, life and joy flowing from the body. A deeper awareness of being in the body. I have more energy, I've simply woken up. My energy is not yet satisfactory, and I know I still need to rest and relax a lot; that is very important in this period. In general I'm colder: two pairs of socks, a jumper, gloves would help, but that would look strange to my client.
The feeling that stays with me is freedom. I feel the transition is behind me, and now is the time of regeneration and of experiencing life in the light. I feel the next two weeks are about letting new life programmes settle permanently into my biocomputer. We'll see. I rest a lot.
I'm glad my weight hasn't dropped further (55 kg), and I know I'll soon return to my usual weight. Less pleasing are the slightly hollow cheeks I see in the mirror, but the light in my eyes has an exceptional glow. I know one thing: returning to normal energy, or higher, and to my weight of the last 20 years, at least 60 kg (I'd like 65), putting on some flesh instead of skin and bones, while drinking only water with diluted orange juice, will give me certainty that it all works and that I AM complete in the light. Not to mention the inner silence here and now. It is wonderful.
Day 8 · 14 Sept 2012
I think I'll write less often now. The time of regeneration is very calm; I need silence and more meditation. My perception of reality is deepening. I feel I absorb more of what is outside with my inner self, through the etheric and astral bodies… The physical body is more neutral. This bag of hormones and habits is calmer, because the mind works differently.
My attention is especially focused on the silence in the breath. I feel the breath joins my subtle bodies into one. An interesting sensation.
My weight hovers around 56 kg. I drink only water with a little juice. I feel good, but without surplus energy yet. Nothing hurts, I'm just a little cold and dress more warmly.
Day 9 · 15 Sept 2012
Nine days of the process behind me, only diluted juices. I use less juice, around one fifth or one sixth, because at one quarter it feels too heavy for me. The obligatory morning walk on the grass and conscious breathing. Weight 56 kg, hoping it will rise. Lots of smiles and inner joy! I feel very good. I have short-term energy and don't attempt longer efforts… and yet today I took a very long walk and overdid it. This period has to be a time of rest and regeneration. That is very important!
I noticed that I want to give myself a feeling of fullness by drinking (an old programme). So I want to drink a bit less, and drink consciously, when my body truly says “yes”. Body awareness is out of this world.
It matters to me that this whole process is, among other things, a Great Lesson in Conscious Breathing. Every breath has enormous power to shape everything in the body and in our life. I give myself to it without measure. A great blessing. The breath calms, directs energy, connects with the source within, full and free, and the breath together with affirmation programmes the body even more strongly.
There is one more very important thing I haven't mentioned: reprogramming the biocomputer for living on light. New programmes are installed through affirmations joined with the breath. It's an incredibly powerful tool, which Jasmuheen also wrote about. I do it every day, to especially strengthen in this period what I have been sowing for several years. In truth, only limiting beliefs hold us back from full BEING.
Day 10 · 16 Sept 2012
This day seems calm on the surface, without any particular symptoms. I feel good, but still not at full energy. The second half of next week looks harder at work, hence my concern. But that's not all.
Doubts about the process have appeared in my heart, and the question of whether I really want this.
Will my body be properly supplied with everything it needs to function healthily without physical food? I've already listened to so many testimonies on this, and yet this thread exists in the deep layers of my mind.
The more important question: do I really want this? Do I want to disembody my being here on earth like this? Memories come back of how much healthy pleasure the body gives. I know many pleasures can still be enjoyed while being nourished by light, but will it be a full life on light, with both feet in two worlds? It can be done that way too. The examples of Ascended Masters show that one can, and should, live like this among people. These are doubts of the mind, not of the heart.
These are my dilemmas right now. I want to go through the process, and if work doesn't get in the way, it will all be great. Will it be only a time of cleansing, or a time of discovering other dimensions? My body will show me.
One thing I already know: I have a great deal of inner insight into my life, and that is my great joy. I also know that it all comes down to TRUST, but its limit lies somewhere in my heart, limited by a lack of knowledge from experience. This is going beyond myself, beyond the known, towards true BEING.
Day 11 · 17 Sept 2012
Half the process is behind me. Time flows wonderfully in discovering new areas of knowing myself, and through that the world, which is a reflection of what is inside me. My senses are sharpening, as is my insight into the programmes that limit me and into the space of all possibilities. So much is rising to the surface. The iceberg submerged in water is emerging so that the contents of the subconscious can be released and brought to awareness. The most important goal, as de Mello wrote, is AWARENESS, AWARENESS, AWARENESS.
Weight the same, 56 kg. I feel very good, without attempting greater effort. I need to flow calmly through each day. During the day lying down is advisable, along with meditation, nature and conscious breathing, and where I am now gives me plenty of that. I believe the second half of the week, despite many duties, will go well and with a smile.
This process now cleanses me by making me aware of what comes from the true ME and what comes from the ego, which through experience has shaped its preferences, dreams, desires, its likes and dislikes. When you read and learn a lot, you think realisation should look like the life of enlightened masters. But I'm discovering that I need to let go of all expectations, desires, dreams, all concepts of how it should look, all methods and techniques, in order simply to exist fully and BE naked, completely free of the ego's scripts. I have time to deepen this insight, to dissolve all imagined paths of development and surrender to the “Tao”, surrender to the heart beyond the mind, beyond attempts at control and understanding. It's an extraordinary experience: discovering myself anew.
With my expanding awareness I can see what drives me and what motivates me in every action: in gestures, words, plans, preferences. Something amazing.
The time of physical cleansing is behind me, and now comes the time of cleansing awareness of the uncontrolled and incomprehensible behaviours of body and mind. I'm in the process of leaving behind being an automaton, a slave of body and mind. It's an extraordinary and long road, but worth experiencing, to feel what it truly means to BE AWARE.
I simply AM, more fully, more strongly and more consciously, here and now.
Days 12–13 · 18–19 Sept 2012
I haven't eaten for so long now, and for six of those days I didn't drink. My wellbeing has improved a lot, I have more energy, but I'm still cold and dress warmly. Weight around 56 kg. I drink diluted juices. So far I feel no discomfort and no appetite, though I can sense tastes from a distance.
Various beautiful tastes come back to me, which I want to experience in the future, but in a different way. If the process ends successfully (and I have a feeling it already has and I'm only consolidating the results, and even if not, it's still a huge change in how consciously I nourish myself), I would like to eat for company and pleasure, in amounts and quality most friendly to my body. The body itself will guide me in this. Though I can write this now, and time will verify it anyway.
I realise how dependent I was on programmed eating. How the desire for taste and fullness ruled over me. Now I have no hunger and no need to satisfy it. It's strange, and at the same time I have the strength to see where a craving comes from, and I can say: no. What a liberation towards awareness. In general I feel lightness and freedom in my body. It's beautiful. I'm waiting for the full sense that the process has succeeded and I've begun to be nourished by prana as the main source of my health: for my weight to rise and my energy to be abundant.
The second stage, regeneration, has come to an end. Now I'm sealing everything, towards full freedom. We'll see.
Day 14 · 20 Sept 2012Imprinting
This day is extraordinary in its experience and in deepening my knowledge of myself. My walking in the life of light, every day and every moment anew, is very strongly rooted in my awareness. I feel it with my whole being.
Today I had breakfast with my client. Yesterday we went to hospital together for two days, and circumstances were such that, out of the joy and love of being with him, at his suggestion, I decided to have breakfast with him in the hotel restaurant. It was an extraordinary experience, after which I'm not continuing to eat, only drinking, because the direction of my path is one and very clear to me.
Through this I came to know even deeper mechanisms of the ego that had been steering me. I noticed that when I faced a choice of many healthy and tasty things (a buffet), I began choosing according to old programmes, from the mind, about healthy eating. But that no longer works. You don't eat with your mind! I ate a bit too much and too varied (simplicity!), because afterwards I felt very full. A third, or even a quarter, would have been enough. Now I need to clear what I feel in my bowels. It's not nice to carry something heavy in your belly that causes discomfort. My energy changed. I felt the energy being directed to digestion, and weakness appeared. I realised I hadn't stopped and chosen what I truly want from the heart, intuitively. I didn't listen to my body, which is now like a “delicate child”. I was ruled by healthy-eating programmes planted in the mind, and that no longer works.
This event doesn't weaken me. It isn't a failure or something to regret. NO. There is nothing in my life I regret; regret is an old, destructive programme. But there are events from which I have learned, and keep learning, a great deal about myself and about life. Thanks to this I touched an even deeper layer of myself, where I tend not to be in my body, here and now, but in the habits of the mind. I thank God for this experience. It is very important and brings incredible AWARENESS.
One more thing comes to me. The feeling of heaviness gave me a sense of separation from myself. I can't express it exactly, but it is a sense of separation, of disrespect for the body's wisdom, which is written into it. I saw my three aspects very clearly: body, mind (ego) and my inner Divine Being (heart). While not eating, they united and harmonised, giving an incredible state of BEING. When I followed the mind's “programme” without listening to the body, I experienced separation.
The body is like a sensitive instrument that makes a sound. The mind is like the one who sets boundaries and mirrors, so that the Divine Heart can discover itself and dance in the body.
Sometimes I thought and spoke beautifully about health, about what it means not to listen to your body. Now this experience has shown me fully what it is like to listen to the body while thinking. And I understood that it's about listening to the body not by thinking, but by feeling. So simple and obvious to many (especially to women, sometimes to men too), but this experience is another milestone in my cleansing and growth. I thank God very much for it.
I don't hold rigidly to the book form of 21 days according to Jasmuheen. It was more of an inspiration, as I wrote before. For me it is a suggestion, and anyway today everything happens very differently from 20 years ago. You can become a breatharian overnight when you are sufficiently cleansed. I'm continuing a lifestyle without solid food until I'm fully convinced that light is my main source of energy (unless I start to feel unwell). After that, listening to my body, I intend to “wisely” give in to social cravings for the joy of taste, and not to draw energy from food for full health.
Days 15–16 · 21–22 Sept 2012
A beautiful sunny day, no food, only drinking. I feel excellent, it's truly great. I don't want to eat and feel no need to. I have quite a lot of energy and I'm happy.
I feel I've already begun to live on light, though my mind watches from a distance. Weight still the same, around 56 kg. When I'm in Poland, I plan to have blood and urine tests to know the state of my body, and to repeat them after some time, to complete my conviction that the process is finished. I also expect my weight to return to what I always had. But above all, what matters to me is how I feel and the signals coming from my body. I watch them carefully.
I've decided to live on light the way I want to live after the transition is complete. I'm still holding back from the social pleasures of solid food, at least until 21 days from when I stopped eating. After that I want to discover myself in freedom from food.
It's no problem for me now to drink bitter black tea (surprisingly I like it, although all my life I couldn't do without sugar). I also had some coffee and… I'm watching how my body reacts. Strange, because it feels as if none of it touches me, there is only the pleasure of taste. I feel that the energy for healthy living comes from another source, and this has no effect on me (except for brushing my teeth). It's only a subjective feeling, and only time will show how things really are. Though I'll admit the coffee gave me a brief drop in energy, surprisingly.
I really like diluted orange juice, it's very pleasant.
Day 17 · 23 Sept 2012
I've noticed that when I set myself goals for the future in this period, for example that I won't eat for the next few days, I easily go off track. I don't function in the future! Goals in time are built by my mind, my ego, which wants to show that it controls everything. Another lesson in humility. When I live consciously here and now, a power appears in my life that gives me wings without running ahead into the future: the power of INSPIRATION in the moment. The mind wants to plan, control how things go and set goals, while the heart lives only here and now.
Someone will ask: what about dreams? There are no dreams of the future; those exist only in the mind, not in the heart. My heart dreams very often and wants to live those dreams immediately, as if they were already fulfilled. Dreaming, imagining my life on light, I get up and immediately start living in line with that image, that dream. It's that simple. Without a future that doesn't really exist (it's an illusion), in the eternal NOW.
In a conversation I was asked: what will it be like when we meet at a restaurant? For a moment various scenarios went through my head, and then I answered: I don't know, when we meet, you'll see.
In the same way I wondered what it would be like visiting my mum, who lovingly wants to prepare something to eat. Should I say: “Hi Mum, I'm on a pranic diet”? I even thought I'd sacrifice myself so as not to upset her. Her beliefs about food, at her age, won't change. I let it go. The moment will show how it goes.
Every encounter with the ego is an encounter with a mirror, so I can know myself better and work through a programme of my bondage. That's how I worked through my sexual energy, until the experience of harmony between the masculine and feminine made me whole and free from seeking fulfilment through the body. I simply don't seek any more, despite all my temperamental struggling in the past. It's similar with programmes around food. Harmony of body, mind and heart makes a person complete in living love for themselves here on earth.
I have nothing to boast of except my sincere heart before you. Everything else is illusion. The situations around me are a reflection of what lives in me.
Of course I'm continuing a lifestyle without food, and that's all. I don't even think about a process any more, I simply Am. I remembered a lecture by Veni about her experience of guiding many people onto a pranic diet. She said something like this: after the transition you can eat, for example, once a day, once a week, once a month, or once every few months. It doesn't matter. What matters is the imprint in the cells, the experience that you can live differently, from a different perspective.
I think I'll write about this less often now. I consider the path begun. I'll share test results and how I feel from time to time. Time will show how it really is in my individual case, until it becomes normal, because for now it is still very new to me. It's wonderful. Namaste.
Day 18 · 24 Sept 2012
Today I had an interesting experience. I went for a walk that took some effort (it had rained for the last three days). During the walk I felt a drop in energy, followed by worry. But as I walked on, my energy grew. With every step I had as much as I needed, no more and no less, just right. Everything seemed to regulate itself. A strange state, and very new to me. We'll see how it develops.
In general I feel very good, on drinks alone. Weight still the same, 56 kg.
Day 21 · 27 Sept 2012
It would be good to sum all this up. It wasn't a process exactly as in Jasmuheen's book, but it was certainly my intuitive process. Great breakthroughs have happened in my life and are still happening.
I haven't eaten for 21 days, and for the first six I didn't drink water. I drank mainly diluted orange juice (there were other juices, but I didn't like them as much), bitter black tea (fruit tea didn't suit me at all, strangely) and a few times decaffeinated coffee with milk. That's all. My whole story.
I perceive what I drink and what I've tried as things of different heaviness. It's a very nice experience. Full juice is heavier than diluted. I can tell the heaviness of coffee and tea prepared in different ways, and so on.
I feel very light inwardly: spiritually, mentally, emotionally. My weight has held after the drop and isn't changing for now, 56 kg (and my 60 kg of the last 20 years is still ahead of me).
The mind works remarkably calmly. It's very nice: clarity, no clutter. I'm sharper.
How do I feel? Very good, truly great. I feel my energy is at a similar level to before. I don't know how it will be with greater effort. For now I just walk, and it's interesting and calm. I feel the need to move, to exercise, but not too much. I feel that when I move, my energy grows. I have as much as I need most at any given moment.
I have no desire to eat, but I've discovered in myself a very deep programme connected with the appearance of eating. When the mind begins to get “bored” with its disembodiment and has nothing to get excited about, it looks for “emotions”. The body is clean and empty, so desires arise to weigh it down. It's truly amazing. You can weigh yourself down even with drinks alone, giving yourself a substitute for fullness. Such intricate tendencies come to light.
When I'm in Poland, I plan, if I can, to run a few kilometres every day in my beloved forest, where I ran hundreds of kilometres training for marathons.
I don't intend to run marathons any more. A great respect for inner energy has been born in me, so as not to waste it. Such expressive sports use a lot of energy just to strengthen the ego. I have a strong awareness of, and respect for, the energy flowing in my body. I feel it very clearly.
When I come to Poland I also want to have medical tests, to see the state of my body, and to repeat them after some time.
I can't sleep at night. I sleep half the night and toss and turn for the other half. Apparently sleep time halves when you are nourished by prana.
Conscious breathing is with me all the time. It's an unearthly tool for tuning in to the whole Universe and to my heart.
I feel like writing a lot. It seems this is one of my paths for now.
I'll let you know what's happening from time to time. Life will show how it all unfolds in the future. There is HERE and NOW, and a big joyful grin on my face.
For now all signs in the body and in the sky tell me it has happened: I've switched to a pranic diet! Of course my mind looks on with a little disbelief and some distance, but if things carry on like this, I'll soon win it over to my side.
Warm greetings to you all, and THANK YOU. YOU ARE WONDERFUL.
I THANK GOD AND THE BEINGS OF LIGHT who supported me in this process on the spiritual and physical planes.
Peace to you all.
Day 23 · 29 Sept 2012Freedom
Not eating does me good. I have exceptionally much energy and I'm very glad of it. I feel like running and dancing. My weight is holding at 56 kg.
Today I'd like to share an “experiment” that brought quite unexpected data into my experience of myself. I wanted to treat myself and made coffee with chocolate, milk and water. I know, a strange mix, but I fancied it (I love mocha coffee most of all). I looked for the best proportions to reconcile the taste with the sensations in my belly. Believe me, it was hilarious. I prepared everything with great care, started to drink, and felt a dissonance that took in both taste and stomach. The information from my mouth was as important to me as that from my belly. A kind of inner unity I couldn't separate. Either one was happy, or the other. I tried my super-production and poured it away. I changed the proportions and searched for harmony in it several times. It ended at about 70% satisfaction. I wasted a lot of ingredients, and that's the whole adventure of discovering myself. What a wild ride! My whole body, taste buds included, spoke to me as one inseparable whole.
I also discovered something that works best for me when it comes to cleansing. Maybe nothing new, and a bit late, as there's little left to cleanse. Earlier I bought prunes to clear myself out a little, and they worked so-so, with a delay. Today I bought pure prune juice and it worked instantly. A little movement on a walk and straight to the “royal throne”. I love this lightness in me, it's unearthly. Breathing is wonderful.
So life flows on, and I follow with lightness in my heart and a smile on my face. I'm happy.
4 Oct 2012
More days on a pranic diet. I no longer count the days from 7 September. My inner state is very special. I have plenty of energy and great vitality in meeting people. I'm experiencing an inner integration of thoughts, feelings of the heart and signals from the body. Everything is becoming one. Spirituality is taking a different form in my life and is closely bound up with the body. The body itself is a sensitive receiver of various vibrations and of the atmosphere around me. This is a far deeper and clearer experience than anything I've had so far.
I thought a lifestyle without food would make me very spiritual and pull me a little away from physical reality. It happened, but differently from how I could have imagined. Matters of the spirit became essential in my experience, deeper, without theory, and at the same time this whole state bound me more closely to my body. I don't separate the matters of the spirit from those of the body. I'm exceptionally here and now. It's a very strong presence, coming from an inner balance closely connected with how the body functions.
So much is said about living from the heart, and that is my most important personal discovery. I'm also discovering that living from the heart means living with an unburdened large intestine. It is self-awareness living in every cell of the body, so as to make the best use of one's clothing in joy.
I want to stress once more the strong presence here and now: in the body, in the heart, and in a calm mind. Without judging anything, without referring to past or future. Awareness that everything changes lets you accept everything and every person as a perfect expression of the moment. Unconditional love flowing from the heart, not from the mind that breeds the ego's preferences. What matters more: knowing yourself with the help of the ego, or creating a story about your spiritual development? Such a story can't really be created, because it is our role in the script we accepted on earth, in the perfect expression of the body and its surroundings.
6 Oct 2012
More days of freedom from the programme of necessary eating. That's how it should be put. I don't eat, and with my whole heart, in my awareness, I want light to illuminate every one of my cells. It is an experience of liberation that surpasses everything I know.
I had the chance to visit my mum, as I always do when I'm in Poland. It was a wonderful discovery of myself in “eating” in my mother's company. I didn't try to explain what I'm doing with my diet, and I didn't feel the need to. I ate very little: some tomato soup, some fruit. It was eating pro forma, tastily received from my mum's heart. What mattered to me was reaching for light foods and blessing them with light. A wonderful experience of being master of my body and feeling it very deeply, in self-love. Freedom from the compulsion to eat is brilliant, amazing. I can eat with respect and love for my body, and I can not eat for as long as I like, without negative feelings.
Recently there was a situation in which the jaws of a monster appeared. It revealed a programme from the subconscious through which it wanted to drag me into the channel of an “alcoholic”. Each of us is such an Anonymous Automaton who, while growing, experiences healing and liberation from the ego's programmes, long cultivated as a way of coping with emotions. Every such situation is a lesson, a deep touching of oneself, through tears of discovering one's power, one's self.
I love every moment lived to the full, with my whole being, in sincerity, in admitting how I feel and what I think, with a sense of unconditional self-acceptance and of being unconditionally loved by the light of God within me. I'm changing, I'm unpredictable, far from future and past, totally here and now. I love you.
16 Oct 2012
More days of living on a pranic diet, without counting from 7 September.
Steps towards freedom are a surprising road on which you meet stones. I'm discovering deep programmes that take away my ability to be truly liberated.
I learned that my need for sweet drinks such as cocoa, chocolate or coffee comes from my liver still cleansing and needing energy for it. You can help it by taking lemon juice and then, separately, olive oil every day, which I've started doing. This cleansing may take around two months before the liver is back in full form.
I have moments when my energy drops (differently from when I was eating). Then I look for something sweet, or for rest. It's momentary and passes quickly, despite generally very good mental and physical wellbeing. Then I need to sit down or lie down for a moment and breathe deeply.
I drink various things: black, fruit and herbal tea, coffee, cocoa, grain coffee, juices, fruit blended with water, water. But I'm more and more clearly moving towards lighter drinks, and that's very nice. I like this feeling of lightness. I have a blender and make all sorts of fancy things, for example: a glass of water, a teaspoon of honey, half an apple, half a pear and three prunes.
To my surprise, four or five times I reached for a slice of home-baked bread, a biscuit or something equally good. It may sound funny, because what is that? Nothing much. But what interests me most is the question: why do I do it?
I understand, and I'm very aware, when you want to eat away your emotions. It's one of the old, very strong programmes that I've already had the chance to get to know.
I understand that you can reach for food out of boredom, to experience outward activity.
I also discovered something completely new to me. I reached for a little food (a laughable amount) and then asked myself why. I'm calm and quiet. My body and thoughts are calm, as in meditation, and suddenly a cellular imprint reveals itself in which the body demands inner activity of the digestive organs. It surprised me greatly that there is a kind of imprint, a memory in the organs, that can be active and push me from within to reach for food.
In general I feel very good. My weight after the drop is unchanged, around 56 kg. Very good spirits, with a smile. An exceptional state of self-awareness, of reflecting on what I do and where I am. A strong need for inner integration of body, heart and mind in everything.
And most importantly: the subtle vibrations of unconditional love flowing from my heart are showing themselves more and more strongly. A constant identity of being in the space of the heart. A divine thing. I AM.
4 Nov 2012
Quite some time has passed since 7 September on my breatharian path, with many new experiences. Every day is my personal decision: where I want to go, and how much I want to respect myself and what sings in my heart. I always find the same answer in myself: towards the light, to be in it constantly and to direct my whole life towards knowing myself. Time has let me look very deeply into what drives me when I reach for various drinks, and now and then for small things like a slice of bread and butter or a biscuit.
Of all the surprises in becoming aware of what drives me, I arrived at one that I think is the most important: the inner motive to reach for something heavier than water. There was eating from a programme: breakfast, lunch, dinner. There was eating to swallow emotions. There was eating coming from the memory of the organs (cellular memory, as I call it).
What revealed itself was reaching for food in order to tune in to the reality around me. This insight took me completely by surprise. I'm “somewhere” and I automatically tune in to the surrounding vibrations by reaching for, say, coffee, chocolate, a biscuit, bread… I feel my vibrations change then and become more visible to others. I become more visible to others! When I'm in nature for a long time, I can live there with practically nothing. I tune in vibrationally to life that comes from light, to the source of life. When I'm in a city, surrounded by concrete and by people strongly rooted in physical reality, I need to “weigh myself down” somehow in order to BE among them. I don't need to if my time in nature is long enough compared with the time spent among people of very physical vibrations. I mean people who eat meat, nurture unwanted feelings in themselves, make their happiness depend on the outside world, and so on.
It makes me sad when I think of my own helplessness in the face of this. I simply don't know how to free myself from it, to be fully free. It's my challenge. I'd simply have to move to the forest, but I want to be among people, to share my smile and the joy of my heart with them.
How do the ascended masters do it? People come to them, to places where the energy is high enough for them to live entirely in the light and share it?
Years laterWhat is my life on light like?
When I landed in Poland I was in shock: before take-off it was +5 degrees, and after landing –10. Naturally I needed something warm to eat. Cream soup is excellent.
Over that time I had built an image of myself as someone who doesn't eat. Every time I reached for something (for various reasons I wrote about before), I felt bad, because it didn't match that inner image. I needed time to experience freedom from that toxic construct, from my image of myself.
Today I call it freedom from the compulsion to eat. I'm on a pranic diet and I don't eat for a day, two, a week or longer. And when I do reach for something, it's when I have a need for taste, for company, or a vibrational and resonant need to communicate with certain spaces in life.
Then I reach for light, healthy things (raw food), with small, pleasant exceptions.
I feel free from food, because I don't feel hunger and I don't have to eat. That is essential for me. Freedom. I don't get ill (a whole winter without a cold or sinus problems), and my blood test results are great.
Sometimes I fast… and then I don't drink.
More than fourteen years have passed since September 2012, and my way of life has reached maturity. Many experiences and insights over the years have made me a master at listening to my body.
I use this wisdom in my work, inspiring others to live consciously in the Light.
Mariusz Alin
“The heart knows. You may have conflicting, warring thoughts and images that stir up fear, but in the Silence of the Heart you simply KNOW. That is the perception of your I AM.”